I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
