Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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