I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
