Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
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