you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
