I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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