i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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