Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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