I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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