Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
