i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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