I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
