drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
