Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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