i just google imaged poop.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
