We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
