Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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