I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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