Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
