He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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