WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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