i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
