I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
what is it with giant penises always finding me
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
