If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
