so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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