Life is so much better after having sex.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
