I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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