I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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