He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
