This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
