am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
