i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
