1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
