there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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