We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
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