so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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