Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
