you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
