And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
