You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I would fuck him just for his dog
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
