nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i dont even know how to be here
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Randomize
