shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
