oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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