Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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