Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
