The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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