I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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