Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
