This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
