and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
