ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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