Sry I called you an 8
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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