somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
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