You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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