you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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