I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
